keeper of the cheerios

teen mom

tiffhairston — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 12:17:00 +0000

ps about my reality addiction I love love love teen mom and 16 and pregnant and it always riles me up mostly if I watch it online the comments upset me and if I watch the show RYAN makes me so mad. I think Maci is amazing and doing a wonderful job without Ryan who really needs to grow up he seems really not in love with Maci and its hard not to judge b/c he seems like such a child. Amber and Farrah go both ways for me I see Amber and sometimes she seems annoying but dont we all and she is trying to go to school get her GED and has a job and she moved out on her own and that makes me so proud of her….its easy to get in a rut and just stay with someone of habit and because its easier in some ways and she is taking big steps in the right direction I know leah would be proud. Farrah….I dont know she is lucky her parents help her so much and she drives me crazy week to week I never know what I am feeling for that girl. then there is Caitylnn and Tyler and this is always good with me till I hit the message boards when I miss an episode and people drive me up the wall and Nick does nto get it either really…..I had two really planned pregnancies and they killed me I thought of those babies b4 they were concieved and every minute since and I know it was THE MOST unselfish thing the hardest choice to give up a baby you love so much and so want to keep but know deserves more…..and people who think it was a choice made lightly back the FUC& OFF they took away someone else pain and loss and took it on as thier own….and that is crazy sweet I dont really love the people they chose at all they seem yuck but I am not in their pants so I dont know I know they love them and it was their choice. I really loved Whitney she was prob. my most fav. I love how Wes helps her so much that part reminds me of Nick and I HE ALWAYS helps me and thats one of many reasons people think I am a spoiled princess but we made these kids together he should help when I see dads being lame and not helping it makes me so mad and her realtionship with her dad reminds me of me…..how her dad was not there and thats important to her with her son….my kids are the same way….and I was glad his mom helped them out they seem like great people wish we could more of them

ps I can NOT wait for surivior at all I am so totally siked I hope it does not let me down

oh where has the time gone?

tiffhairston — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 09:33:00 +0000

Okay well Nick and I are in a great place this week lol mentally ask me agian tomorrow and the answer may change that married life lol. Wish we had more money but most people do and I just remind myself we are out of the army for a reason and Nick is home way more often no more long deployments so that is a great trade off and we will not always be so poor its just hard adjusting.

Zoe is sick and sick babies are no fun.

I am just sick thinking about that baby Gabe. I dont think his mom killed him she had a lot of extra cash she could not have had otherwise so I am thinking she gave him away and they gave her money and she is staying in jail b/c she is thinking when she gets out there will be more money and maybe they are using the searching the landfill hopefully as a scare tatic that she will be charged with murder…on another note I am reading between april and here which is based on a true story and the backstory is a woman trying to figure it all out why her best friends mom killed her and her sister and herself when in the first grade….that sounds totally not right but ya know what I mean….and its so hard to believe until 1994 no one knew about post partum depression……………..they have the transcripts from her going to the dr. and her asking again and again telling him she was sick and seeing thing and hearing them since she had her children and he told her she had seen one too many horror movies…and a month later she killed them all….so so sad…..and when you see these things on tv like Andrea Yates you just think wow how could someone be so crazy and mean……liek Casey Anthony but in her case she seemed not crazy at all b/c she covered it up so long and also at the same time that makes her seem more crazy……I have prayed so often for her and Caylee and her family. But anyhow you think how crazy and evil they seem and really they are sick I mean anyone that kills anyone escp. your own child is obviously sick………….I think about those kids and how afwul it must be to think why the person they loved the most was hurting them……….and how that has to be the scariest thing in the world……oh gosh this is a lot to think about

I love my kids so much and reading this book makes me so sad b/c this woman was so clearly screaming for help and asking for help and they told her she had seen too many horror movies…..and that Tom Cruise says its not real or mental problems and other junk are not real and dont need to be treated………..yuck but then again he is nutso .

I have not been sleeping which is clear from this entry it all sounds a bit off I am not sure why but I cant sleep and I am exhausted back to drugging myself to sleep again tylenol pm yucko but I have to sleep so I have to do what I have to do.

my bad day

tiffhairston — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 14:31:00 +0000

We have had do much going on lately today was horrid this morning I woke up and realized Nicks alarm was not going off and asked what time it was and it was ten minutes after he was supposed to have left and did I mention I HAD to drop at work today which meant getting all four of us out the door I made his lunch while he dressed Zoe I dressed Mia we rushed out the door and he made it just in time…and then I was on empty so I stopped for gas it was still dark outside and the gas station was not fab. or all that well lit but I had to stop I dont know the area at all and then I got gas and drove all the way to chick-fil-a which is forty miles from my house so I went and was 20 minutes b4 they opened and did not want to make the girls wait so I drove to Mcdonalds ordered went to pay and now since paying for gas could not find my bank card anywhere at all so I pulled into the parking lot certain it had fallen by the door out of my hoodie 25 panic crazed minutes later I had to cancel it not sure if I lost it at the gas station or not still have no idea where it is. Came home gave the girls oatmeal, apples, and grapes was talking to Mindy on the phone seen Zoe with an empty medicine cup rushed to call posion control not certain if she had taken it or not I think she just licked it but the most she could have taken was 2tps and she had it all on her sweater and ALL over the floor and table so I doubt she took anything but a lick it is very gross. any they said she was no where near the limit so thats good. I am a little worried about leaving Nick here alone to go back but I cant live my life this way. I know the past is the past and if he is not trustworthy like b4 then he is not worth it. So I just have to trust he will be good unless its someone at his work like last time b.c he has no time to be anywhere else so he would have to have met someone there and I am not saying he did I am just saying I would be lying if I said I was not a little worried. But I cant let it get me down I am going out of town for a few days and I need him to be trust worthy and I caught him in two lies this week so I am of course antsy about this

BTW I certainly dont think Amanda Knox is gulity and I have followed this for a long time. I think if she is convicted then it will be a huge mistake I know the guy they already convicted is the murderer he On November 20, Rudy Hermann Guede was arrested in Germany. A warrant had been issued for his arrest on the basis of DNA and fingerprint evidence found on the victim’s body. Guede had fled to Germany following the murder.He had sex with her his finger print and other dna was there and he fled the scene what crap he even went to a dance club later that same night after he says someone broke in and killed her and he was in the bathroom

He was there he did this and they just want a big crime drama and they dragged her and her boyfriend in this and its so ridiculous I dont understand this and I hope justice is served and they dont end up paying for a crime they did not commit “it’s probably the most egregious, international railroading of two innocent young people that I have ever seen.” and I so very much agree and dont comprehend this at all.

a bad situation turned good

tiffhairston — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 14:29:00 +0000

I was sick so long I did not watch tv and I finally watched the Rihanna interview and I have to say I think she did a fabulous job. She was brutally honest (what else could she say after the police report and picture) she even told us about her going back to Chris and then ending it….and about talk of Covergirl dropping her after and how she understood there stance which I thought was interesting b/c when it happened and I seen the commercials day after I was floored… it did not seem right but I also thought she is the victim of this why punish her but then also again millions of people are watching to see what she is going to do and if she goes back to a bad situation she is telling people its okay….and that is not okay so then I thought if she went back then she should have been pulled from it all but thank goodness she left for good. I think it was interesting b/c she said she used to be afraid to go to sleep at night b/c oh her home life and thats the EXACT phrase Chris Brown said in his Larry King interview so either their experience was similar which is may have been, or she told him that and he stole it from her….I LOOOVED how it ended with them showing her one of the messages from him and her saying it was crap and not from the heart…..and then how he claims he cant remember what happened well….he is a liar…yes memories fade with time but not that fast and not something like that escp. overnight….and how he said he thought it was a Private matter….I also know that if that picture had not been leaked things would be different b/c both parties would have glossed over it and covered it up…as I am sure they did b4 if not to this extent….they both wanted it to go away and I know the picture being leaked escp. on her birthday was rough but it served a purpose and I don’t think it was too pay the woman he leaked it I think it was to say wake up to her and everyone else that something was really really wrong and there was now no denying it…the picture was shocking it still is shocking…….I don’t think a victim should be re-victimized or punished for something that was clearly not there fault but in this case I don’t think it was punishment I think it was a good thing

Also her new music…is dark no denying it both videos are crazy escp Russian roulette that one is a little too much for me (the video) I think maybe that was the place she was in when she made the videos…I so loved her old stuff take a bow escp. now seems so amazing I am sad for her if she really is still in that dark place I know the music is good though and hope she does well and people stop being so rude. I know people make mistakes and can change but I don’t think Chris Brown gets it still…at all…and that is why I will never LIKE him or listen to his music and he does not exist to me….over it he needs to grow up….I think Rihanna is very very beautiful and talented and wish her the best in her life.and this was a tough lesson for them and everyone else to learn from I am glad it happened I think it was happening all along anyway and this way it was just one public incident that was no longer deniable and she turned it around she turned her life around and threw out the trash

Entering TMI territory feel free to turn around

tiffhairston — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:51:00 +0000

If I end up dead I am certain its from someone in these apartments. there is this totally odd guy who is always outside right after we go out as a family and he is always looking at us and he comes outside in 40 degrees wearing underwear only….nothing else he is black and over 40 and lives in this building upstairs I believe. there is also this couple directly across from us who are very nice and help us with our groceries and junk and that’s sweet I am counting on them to save me when that one guy or the white guy with the blue jacket who i am not certain is a frequent guest or lives here (downstairs) comes to kill us or rob us or who knows what b/c they seem sweet and its sure to happen when Nick is not home since he works weird hours and days….I cant stay our of the window checking the parking lot its so well lit here I mean it REALLY IS like daylight out there at night so maybe we will be okay lol ! ps a white guy in his teens to mid twenties is more like likely to commit a violent crime just to let you know so beware people

When I do sleep I keep having odd dreams about this one married couple I have no seen in forever this time it even had my mom SIL & BIL in it plus my kids….odd for sure they are really nice and everything but gosh I wish I would not have that again.

I could be considered a bad mom I told Mia she has worms in her thumbs in hope that she would stop sucking it…not exactly working out lol.

I guess I had a bad virus and I am starting to feel better then I did which is always good.I was starting to think Nick was poisoning me lol and I am addicted to etsy i JUST LOVE IT cant get enough and have a million and one things I want from there to start with here is this small list I have much bigger one though lol
http://www.etsy.com/favorite_listings_public.php?user_id=8460531&ref=favorites

Mia turned four…and that a sucker punch…it was hard to take…to me in all seriousness it seems like she was born just yesterday then she yells at me to leave her alone and she does not love me anymore and then I am brought back to the present…I am teaching her pancake on a stick she so loves is not the same as a corn dog which she also loves lol

We have a lot to think about in the coming weeks including finding the time and money to go home for a few days…its so much work and rough on us all but we do want to see our families and go back home we miss them and Texas although this is a grand improvement of El Paso its not Dallas.

yuck

tiffhairston — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 17:01:00 +0000

well I have been really sick for awhile I have been exhausted which I did not think too much of at all since I am always chasing after two kids all day everyday and I wanted to sleep and sleep and sleep but then my hair started to fall out….most of it in fact so I was like whoa! something is wrong with me so I went to the doctor and I have a b-12 deficiency which sucks but I just have to get regular shots to feel better….so I went to the neurologist to get my meds and got a b-12 shot and I got really really sick I got a bad migraine even with the meds I had since the pharmacy had to order my other meds. then I got sicker and got my period which I have not had for months and I was so so so sick and throwing up and no sleep and I had nothing to eat in three days b/c of I have no idea what reason I did have a glass of orange juice on one of the days so with my normal fatigue from the b12 thing I was then starving my body and not knowing and had no energy at all even to sit up but I kept throwing up yuck so after much discussion (me crying and Nick not wanting to take me b/c he would have to miss work which I understand but I was begging him for hours to take me and he did not want to take me b/c it cost money we don’t have and money for missing work and missing work at a job he just started) really so Nick had to take me to the hospital I guess I had a migraine and a virus……..sucks and I got re-hydrated plus the meds the pharmacy was out of the hospital gave me and my head felt better but I felt horrid still from lack of nutrition so I ate something and my energy came up…….it was horrid and then now I am starting to feel migraine like again…and I just realized I am not eating AGAIN! I just never get around to it I am still tired but less tired then b4 I got the shot so when I am not taking care of the girls I am resting as much as possible and I am not taking care of myself…and I have to even when I dont feel like eating I have to eat…my kids need me too feel better and so does Nick…..I just have to remind myself to eat….which is way way harder then it sounds….

issues

tiffhairston — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 18:35:00 +0000

I have my beliefs and you have yours people can be so so passionate about things and so small minded so try harder lol

I am pro-choice….which means to me I may not agree with abortion in any or all circumstances but that’s not my place to judge but I know it should be up to a woman if she wants to make that choice for herself….I don’t think its the easy way out of anything b/c although not my choice I cant see any woman in her right mind taking that lightly I don’t think it was a spur of the moment choice and its something she has to live with for the rest of her life and deal with God in the end. I do think abortions done after a certain point is clearly murder…the abortions when the baby has a chance of survival on its own….I don’t see how any doctor or woman can do that but then again I try not to judge but a late term abortion to me is more then wrong.

Also I know that getting behind the wheel buzzed or drunk or under the influence of anything is not manslaughter its murder…….you take other peoples lives in your hands like its garbage DUI to me means having your license taken away and one of those Breathalyzer things on your car forever and mandatory check ins something way more then they do today less problems with repeat offenders ….on every car you have and if someone blows for you or lets you drive they are also guilty of murder when something happens.

I also think if you stand around and watch someone get hurt or raped and do nothing at all…..YOUR JUST AS GUILTY as the rapist…how can you live with yourself was there really nothing you could do or did you not care b/c I am sure you had a cell do something I dont want to judge its too easy but gosh thats supremely horrid

I don’t want to judge something I don’t understand and I think if your born gay and its something you did not choose then I think you deserve the right to your happiness and I am not going to judge you I have no idea what its like to be gay so if you want to get married and have kids then I believe its your right….if my kids were gay I would want them to have every right as anyone else and every chance at happiness

I don’t shove many of my opinions down peoples throats if they don’t agree well that’s their right……so if you don’t love these get over it and live on

forgivness is a beautiful thing

tiffhairston — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 16:03:00 +0000

I like to think and hope I operate on the words treat people as you want to be treated and also in all seriousness WWJD I know what people think….but in tough times and everyday I think about it……its so easy to put up a wall and shut everyone out…..but it starts with the thought about how God gave his only son for our sins….and then I think wow and then think about how Jesus must have felt…..and I honestly I cant even begin to imagine how he felt….so then I think about how easy its suppose to be….do the right thing and we all sin but ask for forgiveness and I think most importantly mean it and try harder next time and learn from your mistakes…and its that easy…which is also sometimes I think crap I mean is it really okay to murder someone and hurt small children and be forgiven….but its not my place to judge and I don’t want that weight on my shoulders and its easiest not too …..really……when I fall from grace or do something wrong I want to be able to ask for forgiveness and move on with a fresh slate……and I do…..so why not give that to someone else….Nick is the best at this…he never holds things against people and I am the exact opposite I have the hardest time letting go…..it is a serious problem I have…….I don’t trust easily if at all and I dont always see the good in people I think the worst a lot of the time….but I try to be different and maybe I will succeed for awhile but then I hit a pot hole and I am down again……….b.c I know their are somethings I have really really done wrong and feel so guilty, and horrid about and I ask for forgiveness I have learned from it and wont do it again I am truly sorry….so that’s enough for the up aboves to know I am sorry….why is it not enough for me to forgive and move on with some people. To forgive someone else takes something that wieghs me down away….and thats fab. it makes my load lighter and I want to be forgiven as well……I think I have to get rid of the part of me that feels like people and I have to include myself in this when forgiven are getting away with something and its not about that

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free”

“You can’t undo anything you’ve already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest.”

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Nick I have forgiven you……I truly have a long time ago…….I have not forgotten b/c it hurts I have no forgotten b.c I have so many questions that eat at me….but everyday I am trying to fight it and be done with it.

I know who you are maybe you do as well but I don’t know if I have forgiven you or not b/c at times I think of I have and maybe its the hurt eating away at me….but I cant make you someone your not…….I can only control me and I can take what you give me and accept it or not take it….and walk away….and I don’t think I am willing to make that choice just yet….I keep waiting for you to change but even if you did it would be the hardest thing to believe……and forgiving you does not mean liking what you did or saying it was right….b.c it was not right….and I hope you learned something b.c I truly have its made me who I am today the good bad and the ugly….I am selective of the people I allow in my life and that’s a big part thanks to you b/c I don’t want to put myself out there to get hurt and that’s b/c of you…..maybe if you asked for forgiveness and told me your sorry and acknowledge the things you did wrong….this could end……..I think that’s what it would take……..to finish this off…to make me whole….but I fear thats never going to happen so I forgive you but forgo a relationship with you b/c that would be risking too much……

dream on

tiffhairston — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 12:39:00 +0000

I am not sleeping well these days and I keep having the same dream over and over….that I am at a beach house with my family and Mia no Zoe or Nick I am a single mom…I go out with a few people including a friend of a friend and I meet someone and its going great really great but early on I tell him about Mia and….he bolts he says he does not want a woman with kids….and then I look it up a poll online and it says over 60 percent of men think that and I become sad …………….what the something something does that dream mean…..annoying and I was heart broken in the dream….and sad…..

If I won the lottery

tiffhairston — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:59:00 +0000

I would buy that amazon e-reader Nick is always hassling me to buy myself lol

I love Jodi picoult books minus 19 minutes lol I can re-read any of them and its always like they are brand new to me….they take your heart out and stomp it, they give you something to think about, you cry and cry, they are never a lighthearted read its takes all of me to read them and they seem all too real….loooooooooVe it!

I love to read prob. more then I love to shop… which says a lot I always have a book in my hand. I read everything newspapers, magazines, cereal boxes….anything and everything I can get my hands on. I have always ALWAYS loved to read…..I think it used to be to escape, not feel alone b/c books are always friends waiting for you, but its just a huge passion the only thing better then reading is reading something amazing and passing it on to someone else….then you have someone to talk to about it lol and to share it with….I don’t pass every book I read on since people have different taste but some books are just that amazing anyone can read it and get something from it….THE SHACK I know is one of those books.

Jodi Picoult is one of my most fave authors…..when she writes something….it seems so real and something I can so relate to since its often from a mothers point of view or females in general I am left wondering what I would have done…..quite a few times I will be reading something of hers…and have to put it away for awhile I am crying too much and its too close to home….and then I will pick it back up and eventually finish it….lol they are always amazing to me……I just re-read THE PACT…and its crazy…..change of heart…that was something so insane and sad….My sisters Keeper…sad…..Handle with care….sad….lol none of them are really happy books…….but when The PACT ends it seems….well I want so much more….I want….more I want…..I want a different story I guess I want it all I want a happy ending for once……lol I never read these for happy endings or love stories…I always know what I am going to get which is a great story…something that makes me think a lot b/c they are almost always about kids…and having two children myself brings it close to home…and maybe thats why they are such wonderful books…..

I have a huge passion for reading and I hope to pass that on to both of my daughters.

My best friends really are Mindy, Nick and honestly books…..they can always make me laugh, cry, think about things I never would have otherwise, make me treasure the ones around me, and they are always waiting on me…..and they rarely let you down…..priceless